Self-fish Nobility

Katie DuBois

 

It seemed to him a very self-absorbed act.  She’d not thought of anyone or anything else.  But then she hadn’t thought about those things for a long time.  It hadn’t always been that way.  She hadn’t.


He could remember another time, ages or millennia ago when things were different, when she was another person.  Someone who smiled despite the front teeth that were too big and the crooked bottom teeth.  Laughter echoed from within easily coming out bright and full.


And the eyes.  They were mystical green, beckoning the world to come near with their youthful shimmer.  He could always find his body dancing in the luscious green irises.


Today those irises still shone green, but the wonder they held was long since gone.  It left neither a return date nor a forwarding address.  Would it ever return?  When would the glimmering green cease to be salty wet drops?


Could she even be who she was after this?  Could he ever see her the same way?  Would that be possible after finding her passed out on her living room floor, lying on carpet so heavily saturated with her own bodily fluids that it gave an audible squish when he stepped near to place a finger on her neck. 

 

Was he too late?


*                                              *                                              *


I know what he’s thinking, what they’re all thinking.  But they’re wrong.  They don’t understand.  I never did it for myself.  Why would I?


Why, when I’m such a worthless piece of shit.  I know they all think the same.  None would ever say it to my face, but behind my back, when I’m not around they all gather together and discuss with copious amounts of animosity the waste of life that is me.


Each and every one of them loathes the moment I step into a room.  I know they ache to get away from me.


I do too.


And then he found me. 


Why did he even bother?  Was it to punish me or to satisfy his own moral obligations so that he could say he saved me.


Be he didn’t.  No one can.


My decision was not for my own benefit.  I know I am beyond salvation from any immortal being.  Rather I did it for them, for him


Because a life without me would be better than a life with me.

Euphemism Campus Box 5555 Illinois State University Normal, IL 61790