The Toilet Fairy

Dustin Grayson

 

Gillus MacAffey was an unfortunate man. Every attempt he made to better his situation
was met with hardship and regret. His company was downsizing and his human resources manager had sent him a note requesting a meeting after lunch. Panic and terror clawed through his veins, and Gillus didn’t know what to do. He snatched his lunch box and took shelter in the second floor men’s room.


He didn’t want people to look at him.


Inside the bathroom stall, Gillus sat on the toilet, pants still on. He blew his nose into toilet paper and flushed the soggy mess down. After taking a few deep breathes, he was calm enough to eat. He wasn’t hungry, but he needed his strength. He took the items out of the lunch box and used the lid as a table. His wife had packed him a bologna and mayo sandwich, a bruised apple, and for dessert a fun-sized Snickers bar. There was no drink. He took a bite of his sandwich and couldn’t taste the salty meat.


But on this somber day, something good had finally happened to him – something magical. A fairy, one that looked just like Tinkerbell, with the green tights and golden glow, appeared before him and landed on his lunchbox. The tiny sprite, who incidentally turned out to be male, told Gillus that he was his fairy godfather, Quim. “Gillus,” Quim said, “I found out about your firing. And I knew that after you had found out about your wife cheating on you, you’d be,” and here the fairy looked around the stall with a curious disgust, “in a rut.”


“Rach is cheating on me?” Gillus asked.


“Oh, um... I guess I’m a little early. I keep forgetting that pixie time is different than your time.”


“What do you want?”

 

“I am here to cheer you up,” Quim said with a bright smile.


“You’re here to cheer me up?”

 

“Yep. I am here to help. What can I do? I’ll do anything.”

 

Gillus knew exactly what could make him feel better. There was something that he had
wanted to do ever since he was small child growing up in Manhattan. He offered Quim to stand on his palm, and the pixie happily obliged. Gillus elevated him up to within inches of his nose and studied the little man’s little face.


With a low whisper, Gillus said, “I don’t believe in fairies.”


Quim screamed. He tried to fly away, but his thin wings grew too weak and he fell back onto Gillus’ colossal hand. Quim’s glow disappeared. His once spangled skin turned brown and rough like an autumn leaf. His wings flaked and fell off their stems. When Quim’s body stopped decomposing, Gillus pinched his body with a wad of tissue and flushed him down the toilet.


He returned to his meal. His bologna never tasted as sweet and his mayo was never as creamy. The fun-sized Snickers bar seemed giant and was equally satisfying.


Gillus felt much better.

Euphemism Campus Box 5555 Illinois State University Normal, IL 61790