While I Still Can

Megan Young

 

i want to go somewhere anywhere anywhere is better than here he is here and i dont like him he smells funny not funny in a bad way just different kinda like axe and campfire i love that smell his smell is not the reason i want to leave that is one of the many reasons i want to stay I dont want to leave i have to leave its for my own good ive been over this a thousand times it is for the better everything will be better if you just leave leave and get out get out while you still can yes your hurt but not disintegrated you can still make a comeback i need to leave while i can still move while im gaining consciousness and getting into my thoughts and am able to comprehend what is going on i love how he laughs too he has the silliest laugh like a mix between a chuckle and an all out snort but that is not why i have to leave no i have to leave i have to get out while i am not under his spell while i can still think for myself he is really smart he wants to be an engineer if i end up with him then i will be set for life because engineers make good money and depending on where i go with my english degree i might not make enough to support my lifestyle but his intelligence is not why i am leaving i have to go i need to get out while i still can i need to leave while i can still think for myself he is really easy to talk to i can talk to him about anything and he will just listen to me he wont but in like most people do when you try to talk to them you know what i mean but his listening ability is not why i have to leave i need to go i have to leave while i still can i need to go far away where i cannot be hurt by him any more i need to start a new life we worked together at a really crappy grocery store that’s how we got to talking and how we got to texting and how we got to hanging out and how we got to being close and how we got to me cheating on my boyfriend and how we got to him asking me out and how we got to him dumping me for talking to my ex i didn’t even do anything no physical nothing just talking just talking and you know think that he would understand that since he is a good listener but he didnt but i am not leaving because we were co-workers i need to leave i need to get out while i still can i need to leave and go far away and start fresh i need to escape and never come back but i want him to find me i dont want to go too far what if he changes his mind about me what if he wants to be back with me and he cant find me i better not go too far because i need to be there with him i am the only one who understands him i am a good listener and he is a good talker we talk about everything and anything but i need to leave i need to get out while i still can i need to go far away but not too far in case he wants to talk and he wants to text and he wants to hang out i need to be just far enough but just close enough at the same time what if something horrible happens and i am the only person that he can talk to what if something amazing happens in his life and he wants to celebrate he is a really fun person to be around we always find something to do we like to go to the park and just lay in the grass and watch the clouds go by once i fell asleep on his stomach and woke up about an hour late and one time we played rockband for over five hours nonstop that was really fun but i am not leaving because we have fun together i am leaving i have to leave and get out while i still can while i am not hurt enough to where i cannot move i need to leave while i can still think for myself i need to get out maybe to california they could always use a blonde in need of a tan he is tan he is part Cuban and he is always tan when i tan i am the same color that he is normally it makes me jealous and smile at the same time but i am not leaving because he is tan i need to leave i need to get out while i still can maybe ill go to alaska no one is tan there it was really cold at the park once and he cuddled closer and shared his jacket with me that has never happened before that was cute and very gentleman like but i am not leaving because of his polite manners i need to leave and i need to leave now but i cannot go to someplace warm and i cannot go someplace cold and I cant go someplace too far but i cant go someplace too close but i need to leave i am leaving while i still can i am leaving while i can still think for myself and can still make coherent thoughts and can still i am leaving now while i still can while i still want to while i still have to

Euphemism Campus Box 5555 Illinois State University Normal, IL 61790