A Letter to the Past

Aida Giurgianu

 

Dear Anonymousness,

 

It's been a while since we've spoken. Sometimes I replay the conversations we used to have in my head and, more often than not, I become more at peace with myself. I remember how we'd stay on the phone for so long and never run out of things to talk about. I remember how we shared our deepest secrets and how everything felt so right with you. You were so sincere when it came to us; but unfortunately your sincerity was short-lived. Every day I had doubts and every day I shunned them and tried to convince myself that everything was going to be okay. I convinced myself that I was just overreacting.

 

Rule #1: Trust your instincts.

 

Slowly, the wall would come down; slowly, I began to trust you because you were just so real and you were baring your heart to me. I thought I was the one in control. Why did our plans changed? When did we decide that we should put it all behind us? When did we decide to move on? Did we ever stop to consider the after-effect; how, in one way or another, we would change each other's lives in ways no one could ever imagine?

 

In all honesty, it surprises me how we can pass each other now and not even acknowledge one another's existence. It's almost as if all that time spent together had been nothing but a phase; something we had to get out of our systems. Sometimes, we're different...sometimes we talk like friends do and sometimes we don't speak at all. I should say that you've made me incapable of trusting anyone ever again, but I won’t, because I'm not. My first problem is that I still trust so easily. I still try to see the good in everyone and have faith that they won't compromise our relationship.

 

Rule # 2: Trust no one.

 

My second problem is that no matter how much I tell myself to steer clear of people like you and to be a little more hesitant, I never do it. I constantly jump into relationships without a clue of what I'm doing.

 

Rule # 3: When you're looking for something, you probably will not find it.

 

There are very few times when I look at you and wish everything had worked out. Mostly, when I look at you, I think of when it was working out and when everything seemed to stop, and it was just the two of us. I think of how calm we were among all the chaos that surrounded us, and I once again, become calm, and start to smile.

 

Rule # 4: Be the optimist.

 

People make mistakes. It takes a wise person to heed the warnings of others.

 

Love,
Anonymous

Euphemism Campus Box 5555 Illinois State University Normal, IL 61790