loving you

by Stephanie Hedgespeth

loving you was like going to a show, 
and hearing my favorite song. 
loving you was like fourth grade, sitting alone on the playground, 
and finally someone asked me to tag along. 

loving you was the sound of my name, 
and how much more I loved myself when it slid off of your tongue. 
loving you was sitting in the middle seat of your truck, 
and all of the private duets we sung. 
loving you was like rain on a thursday, 

and you, my effervescent umbrella. 
loving you was the time I dragged you to go see my favorite movie, 
and you teased that you could be the Edward to my clumsy Bella. 
loving you was tears streaming endlessly down my face, 
and wondering what it was like to be enough. 

loving you was watching my favorite flower die, 
and still believing in its life although you called my bluff. 
loving you was finding the other part of myself, 
and losing myself in the strength of my true first love. 
loving you was loving myself because you loved me, 

and believing you were my gift from God above. 
loving you was turning the worst shades of green, 
and praying and wishing you wouldn’t find someone better. 
loving you was pouring my heart out to you, 
and receiving in turn, a simple “whatever”. 
loving you was losing myself, 
and not even caring enough about myself to realize. 
loving you was everything that mattered to me, 
and losing you was the worst surprise. 
loving you was learning what it’s like to have your heart shatter, 

and it was like hearing the ump say “third strike”. 
loving you was leaping out of the airplane, 
and believing that it would all be okay in the end. 
but that parachute didn’t deploy. 
and it seems I’ve lost my best friend.